no longer care

parents?..............
well,
i don't think that i have any parents any longer
my mom goes from home for almost 2 months now
and here 
the situation at my home
it just not a family atmosphere
my dad keeps on judging and assuming that i am an evil
keep on believing dad that i am an evil
i just don't care
you keep on pushing us to always follow your instruction
hey dude
everyone has their own opinion
and i won't do anything if i don't think it's compatible with me

i got my own life
you know what
my task is keep on focusing on colleague things and preparing for my future
and yes
you always distract it
i already prove that i got almost a perfect gpa
but uh
that's not an accomplishment for you i guess

first, 
i wanted to get in sbm itb
but you didn't approve it
you kept on pushing me to always follow you
okay
i followed your instruction
now i'm studying accounting at airlangga university
but what?
i already feel comfortable with my friends and my colleague things
but you are adding new problems
you said that you will make me get in pesantren or somewhat
hell-ohhhhhh
until when i have to follow your opinion huh?
you just can't make me to do anything that i don't think logical
 
and you know what
i got my own opinion
who's dead anyway?
you're not the king of anything by the way...........
you can't make others to always follow your opinion
you're not the owner of this world
everyone have their own opinion
and believe me
they're already try their best to fulfill your want
but
you just never believe them
you just can't believe people

i'm sick dude
of wasting my tears everyday
that's why i keep on making myself busy outside home
i join every single activities at my campus
and i'm trying to get myself busy on AIESEC
but you
yes, just like typical
you're never allowing me to have my own life
just never allowing me to enjoy this wonderful life
and cage me here in this rut

Allah and music....
they're the one who's always by my side everytime i'm down
not you
not mom
not everyone
and
i just don't care anymore

go tell 'em that i'm a selfish and an egocentric person
go tell 'em that i never be loyal to you
you can tell the world that there's a lot of evil right inside me now
but
you know what
why don't you try yourself to be ruqiyyah huh?
perhaps
just maybe
you also having a dark side
before you're making me, why don't you go first
try that
why it's not you that get in pesantren and not coming back to home huh?
 
actually you also make me the way i am now
you can't tell the world that i am the way i am now because of my mom
there's still some factors that it's possibly you're the one who's making me like this

outside,
i can fool the world by smiling and laughing out loud with my friends
but here,
with you in home
i can't do no such thing
and that makes me miserable

actually
suicidal thing ever came to my mind
but i'm trying my best
not to do such thing
because if i die due to suicidal thing
my spirit won't be accepted by Allah

i still keep myself to get away from the things that Allah hate
but
you keep on making me depressed and miserable
i don't know til when i can get away with this
i don't know til when i can fool the world


Read More..

College

Halo semua!
lama ga posting nih. huhu. i have so many stories to tell you.

first, i'm already on the third semester in Accounting Airlangga University.
 Sudah banyak hal yang telah dilalui
udah jadi peserta + panitia CNA
udah ikut banyak kegiatan
udah kenalan banyak anak, dapet kenalan banyak juga

tapi ada sesuatu yang berubah
pasti lah ya semua someday bakal berubah, gamungkin bakal stuck di situ terus

hari ini entah seneng sedih ato gimana.
kuliah cuman jam setengah empat, dan ternyata gaada dosen :'
php begete. huhu

untung tadi si jalang ngajakin ke mcd. buntu, tapi sama aja dia aku yang bayarin -__________-
terus dia jahat banget :( ga ada naluri ato insting buat nganterin aku pulang
huhu
syediiiiiiiiiiih!!!!!!!

tapi ada pelipur lara sih
mas mas perkap dialog nasional kemaren
mas mas yang bisa bikin bahagia, mas mas yang bikin semua kebuntuan hilang
makasih banyak ya mas coky, mas rio, mas alfian, mas amal, dan mas mas lainnya
makasih juga pril, win yang udah always there for me ::)

and also
i would like to tell a story about my family.
sedih banget bukan sih
sekarang mama udah entah ke mana
udah ga di rumah lagi
entah kenapa semua berubah
mama sama papa udah bener bener mau cerai
terus katanya ustadznya papa mama ternyata bla bla bla
it is just shocking
i miss my old family
meski dulu papa sama mama sering bertengkar
tapi mereka tetep satu
mereka tetep di satu rumah
mama udah kuat dan bertahan selama 19 tahun ini
huhuhuhuhuhuhuhu
tapi ternyata semua kesabaran ini ada batasnya

di luar aku bisa sih masang tam-pang tegar bahagia seneng gitu
tapi di dalemnya
sedih rapuh banget
maaaaaaa
aku kangennnnnn :(
aku ga pengen semuanya kaya sekarang ini
kaya aku sama adek adek gaada yang ngejagain
iya sih , positifnya kita bisa lebih mandiri
lebih bisa bertanggung jawab
tapi kita masih butuh mama :(
adek adek masih butuh mama
butuh seseorang yang bakal ngejagain kita,
yang ngebimbing kita
yang tulus menyayangi kita
yang ada ketika kita dimarahin papa
yang bela ketika dimarahin papa


aku tau papa dulu juga ada salah ma
papa sempet khilaf
dan aku juga gatau bener apa salah kalau mama juga sempet khilaf gitu
ma, plis mama tobat
ya Allah berikan hidayah buat mamaku
berikan ekstra kesabaran sama ketabahan buat aku sekeluarga
mungkin ini cobaan dari engkau ya Allah, buat kita sekeluarga
buat nguji kita
semoga aku sama adek adek sama semuanya bisa kuat menghadapi semua ini
berikan yang terbaik ya Allah

i know that you're always there for me, for us.
i believe in you, and i always put my trust on you.
and i know, that if i'm crying it won't solve anything
i know it
but i don't know why i still burst my tears away :(
mungkin ini  waktunya di  mana aku udah ga terlalu kuat
waktunya aku down
haha
ya semoga yang terbaiklah ya Allah Read More..